Going into hermit mode. Maybe I’ll see you on the other side. Maybe not. Who cares?
I hate when I get a second to myself and some old ass thought comes to mind. I guess I consciously block it all out and the second I let my guard down there it is. It isn’t even important or a part of my life. It’s whatever though. I can honestly say I’m in a much better position in my life than where I was a year ago. So no worries. I have the week off from work, and I sort of look forward to it. Time to start studying for the PTCB exam.
It wasn’t that long ago that I found myself working at a coffee counter within a bookstore on State Street in Chicago. Nearly everyday, I would leave work walking south on State toward the Loop where I would catch my train home and pass the same seemingly homeless woman sitting in her wheelchair…
I look at the people closest to me, and I see that their daily lives are always full of anguish. Yet, they take all of the bad experiences in stride and continue on without it affecting their good character. This, my friends, is the definition of strength. I know strong people. I’m glad you all have decided to keep me around because people like you are the reason I keep going when I am down on myself. You are all my motivation.
Times get rough, and we have to face them on a daily basis debating whether or not we ought to sacrifice who we are as a person, doing the right thing or the wrong. It’s times like these where our moral judgement defines us. I’m glad to announce that the people I hold closest to me always make the right choice. It’s so easy to fall into hard times and give up on those around you. In my own personal experience, I’ve been given up on and relationships have been strained or ended because of it. There are some who stick with it. Who try, against all odds, to lift their heads up and know that they’re doing the best they can with what they’ve been given. You are my personal heroes. You are the people who’s example I will strive to lead my life by. I thank you for your support and your love because without you I wouldn’t know what to do. Sometimes I get so down and out I can’t seem to dig my way out of it, but a few harsh words of real truth come from you and there I am feeling foolish for having been that way in the first place. Your love for me makes me think failure is not an option. It isn’t.
With that, when you’re down and there’s no more light from the bottom of the hole you’ve found yourself in, I hope that you can come to me. We can talk through it. I don’t always have the right things to say, or the right advice to give, but I’ll be there for you. I’m a fool and often I am stupid, but my heart is there and that’s
That warm and comforting sting as it sinks down into my stomach.
